many thoughts

Been thinking really hard for the past few months. And months back ago, I finally plucked up my courage to tell someone why I am in what I’m doing. However, everytime pple asked me the qns I would always say I love what I’m doing.. But it came to a point tt I felt I was all so wrong. The motivation factor was so wrong in the first place. And I finally came to a realisation tt I cant chuck it aside to tell myself I am suited for it because I dont. I’m losing alot of time over things I want to do.

I came so far to see my mistakes more obvious. I am very insistent about it this time round. Many times I just chuck it aside saying giving myself more time. It’s time for me to move on..

 

ranting.

Sometimes, it’s just better to stay out of troubles. Esp when they are things in the past that still stayed as memories in you & things you never forget.

It’s good to kinda stop contact with each other but it’s even worse to still be virtually contacting. Seeing & knowing more things never encourages me, just making me feel uneasy.

I guess she was right! Stay away & no contact. that way, I’ll be much more happier.

(now that I’ve just tried to still contact. the picture was stucked on my head, A & B. So yucks & urgh.)

Maybe I should have not even talk; just stay away totally. That’s one of the best solution ever..

*Really so tempted to ask. But tat’s just seeking trouble. just get out & stop prompting. everything be just fine & normal.

 

Reflections

Today was fantastic. Worship Experience with Pastor Andrew Yeo, next up LG at xuele’s house then BROUN cafe and timbre!

Talks were fantastic. Company even fabulous! Loved Lifegroup. Love the things we communicate and talk about. Love how honest we all are. Loved how we encouraged and share deep! Really excited for more of this! just cant get enough.

And…after today. It was a true deep recollections of thoughts. I finally shared sth that bugs my heart for a long time to someone. And the things he said came really comforting & i could felt it was so genuine.

On the other hand, whatever said made me had mixture emotions. Made me feel neither here nor there. Prolly dragged down by the lousy feeling. So many short-comings of mine needed to be changed. And so many things I realised abt myself today. I felt lousy; I felt I was so bad at it about why I can’t even bring up to that level.

Slapped inside out upside down hardly.

Suddenly, all came to light for me to see it so clearly.
Sleeping with mixture feelings & emotions. And i know my God is with me. I know His plans are always good for me.

 

How Can I give You up just like You never give me up.

When you were a child I loved you
When you were a child I called you my son
But the more I called you the further you went from me

It was I who taught you, taught you to walk your first steps
It was I who taught you holding you by your hand
It was I who healed you, healed all of your bruises, wounds and pain

How can I give you up? How can I hand you over?
How can I treat you like, treat you like a sinner?
How can I look at you when you turn against me?
Compassion is stirring my love overflowing for you
How can I not love you?

I saw you walking in the desert land
Got me thinking, got me wondering: Will he be okay?
I cared for you I led you, but you forgot me, you forgot me

When will you understand?
When will you see that I am waiting right here for you?
Come back again!
When will you see that I am ready to forgive you
and to care for you and love you once again?
By Jayseelee

How God is so real in my life. I’m in the midst of tight struggles. And whenever I see there’s dead end or even loses hope, I see God as my Hope. I’m so thankful to God that He is always faithful when I’m not. I’m pressing on.

Sometimes emotions come & go. I’m glad i’m able to better manage my emotions than last time. I’ve learnt to be more rational & more focused. I thank God for friends in my life that never fail to encourage me & comfort me. God, con’t adding on more. I never want to live a life lesser than what You have for me.

Your plans are always so good & I really dont want to miss any part of it. God You are just soooooooo goood!

 

Jesus is my BEST FRIEND

 

REVIVE :D

Okay, I shall revive my wordpress by posting a post!
HAHA. it’s been a long while I posted anything.
Well, i could say, life’s been good with Daddy!
Without Him, I would surely drown into my troubles & never get up.
Things made me stronger in Him. It made me put up my focus in Him once again!

how could i ever wana miss out His goodness?
how could i ever wana turn away from Him when He was there at the very first beginning?

It’s been a tough one for me, but God brought me here & I’m standing to profess His mighty name. Awesome.

I have an awesome God. And He loves you very much!

 

2010

I strongly believe 2010 gona be an awesome year for me, you and everyone.
I gona live my 2010 well. I gona end it well praising His name.

Whatever happened in the past, whatever happened and are not even worth remembering, let it all count as lost. All count as lost. Because I’m gona start this year with a new attitude.

Because of Jesus, I’m standing here.
God, make this year count & not be another year that is count as lost.
Not looking back & letting go.
God bless this wonderful year.

 

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Untitled

I’ve lost my dneirf.
How about playing raeppasid?
Sounds good to me.

 

All I ever need in You

“I’m not shaken, I’m not letting go.”

No, I’m shaken though, but I’m not letting go of You no matter what.
Teach me Lord to obey You.
Teach me to be focused.
No matter what, I’m trusting in You.
even though how i struggle, even though how i fight the thoughts in my mind, even though how affected i will get, even though how tempted I got, I still chose to trust and hope in You.

I need You more than anything else.
There’s none like You that I ever needed.
Ugly and affecting thoughts, just get away.
I dont need to understand why. I need to understand He love me more than anything else in the world.